I got food on my mind

So today is the beginning of day 3 of this new adventure. First day, I thought about food a lot... Like when can I eat next?, will it be good?, how much more water do I have to drink? etc. They are consuming thoughts. I never realized how much my world revolved around food. In all honestly, I wasn't that hungry; however the food I got wasn't satisfying. So all in all this day was hard for me. You know, when I went into my initial consultation, the nutritionist and the doctor  told me carbohydrates and sugar are physically addicting, once you get into habits your body literally mentally and physically gets addicted to them. I didn't believe them then but now...

Day 2: Wasn't very hard either. Now the hard part was when I had to go to the grocery store and buy ingredients to cook my fiancé his lunch and dinners for work for the week. It was so hard not to get gum, drinks, or a tiny snack at the check-out line. It was also hard not to take a tiny bite of the delicious chicken I made. 

Doesn't that look good? ... Well I wouldn't know, but my mom tried it and she wants the recipe so that tells me its probably good. 

You know I must be a really loving future wifey to put myself through this torture so he has a home-cooked meal to take to work. However, I'm not so sure if he loves me very much though, haha, around midnight he gets home from work and I stayed up for him, and about this time I was getting really hungry... and thats when he walks in with MCDONALDS!!!!!! Me and McDs were on like first name basis for awhile. 

All fast-food relationships ended 3 days ago.

Anyways, so I go upstairs and watch them eat their fatty, greasy, nasty (least that what I told myself) food while I sat there and chatted. Then it hit me, I'm in the kitchen. (A little back story, at my future hubby's house they stock their kitchen will ALL kinds of goodies, they even keep a jar of peanut m&ms stocked up and I was a frequent flier to that m&m jar.) Let me tell you, last night it took all my might to convince my brain to not get 1 m&m.

I'm proud to say that I did not have one. It hit me then, I realized that the doctor and nutritionist were right. I am addicted to food. BUT I am also beating my addiction. I am taking it one day at a time, making small victories like: not taking even one taste of the chicken or taking 1 m&m out of the jar. I made myself proud, and I believe recognizing these small steps not only builds my confidence but builds my discipline. 

In other news: This morning I got on the scale and it read that I have lost 9 lbs!!!!!! Is that even possible? Is that real? They told me I would lose weight fast, and that this is an aggressive program... I just have never lost so much weight in 2 day period. My hopes are that I won't plateau, that I am losing weight in a healthy manner, and that at the end of this I don't set myself up to failure and gain in all back.

I took my measurements today and took pictures. It was kind of depressing but it needed to be done. I just have to know that these numbers and pictures are not my forever. I will become a better me, a healthier me, a beautiful me. I don't think I'm ready to share these numbers or pictures just yet.

Here is my inspiration today: a picture of my in a two piece suit... I think it was 3 years ago, but it was about the time I met my future hubby and when I felt most beautiful. 

When I see this picture I think about what my long-term goal is. My body isn't considered perfect but it was perfect for me. 

And the Journey Begins... again

This is new to me.. blogging about a weight loss journey. I am embarrassed to say it, but here it goes... I'm a repeat offender. Alright, that stings my pride. However, it is the truth. I ask myself why blog about it this time? Really, the only answer I have is because I am tired of being a repeat offender. I hoping updating this blog and publicly letting everyone know my progress will keep me accountable. Some of you may or may not know but around ...2012 I was about 60ish... ok ok 70 pounds lighter than I am now.  Sad right? Well I am fully aware. Why did I gain all this back? Well 1. I got happy in my relationship 2. I got comfortable 3. I stopped the routine of working out 4. I entered graduate school and lost my good habits with eating

Any who, so the past is the past and I can't dwell or change it now so let me tell you about the last 3 months...
I joined Weight Watchers in April. I was very motivated and very excited, because like all repeat offenders we go with what works. This time, it didn't work. I worked almost 3 months to only lose 13lbs. You might say "That's awesome". To me though that is like a a droplet in a lake. Not only that but I was not consistently losing weight. I would lose 3 lbs one week then gain the next three weeks in a row. The kicker is I would not change how strict I was on the diet. So sadly, I gave up weight watchers.
Next I tried, low carbs, low calories, only water, and lots of working out... guess what?!?!?! I maintained weight. I didn't lose a single pound.

SO... I think to myself why? why deprive myself of the foods I love most and exercise to the point of being sore 98% of time if all I am doing is maintaining. <- this was about a week ago I gave up.

At this point, I'm desperate to get the weight off; I'll pay big money. *Insert* motivation here. I see one of my friends looks SO great and lost all this weight in 3 months. I'm skeptical but hey I can't help but try. I'm on a timeline.

Present day: I have started my new weight loss journey with Weigh In Wellness. Its expensive, but my happiness is worth it.
I was given a packet yesterday and one of the sheets, which are optional to fill out, said name 12 reasons I can revert back to as to why I want to lose weight. So I am going to share them here.

1. I want to be healthy
2. I want to be able to run again without my joints aching
3. I want to look beautiful on my wedding day and be able to pick out a dress from any style
4. I want to wear a bikini again
5. I want to snuggle with the future husband and not worry about hurting him
6. I want to be light enough that I don't have to worry about weight limits
7. I want to look cute in my work scrubs
8. I don't want to have to worry about untagging picture on Facebook that I look fat in
9. I want to feel comfortable taking pictures again.
10. I want to fit into my cute skinny clothes
11. I want to be able to shop online and not worry about if it will fit.
12. I want my future husband to think Im the most beautiful person in the world.

So there you go. Maybe some of my reasons suck or seem silly to you, but they are mine so I guess when I get discouraged or hungry I'll revert back to these.

I'll update my thoughts on the diet and my weight loss next week. Until then.....