GIVING THANKS!!!

Most people think of Thanksgiving as an accepted time to gain 10 pounds in one day.  Well in my current state of dieting that is not an option for me so I found the deeper meaning of Thanksgiving.
1. I want to make a list of people to thank and I would go into detail the amounts of time, patience, and love they have put into my life but I feel that is not necessary.  They know what they have done for me, just being there for me, making me laugh, always having my back, and going above and beyond in my times of need.
Mom
Dad
Bryan
Beth/ BJ
Breanna
Kelsey
Amber
Kayla
Sarah Beth

- Those are a few that come to the top of my head, I dont mean to hurt people's feelings but these people, they arent in any particular order :)

Next I want to give thanks to the people who I have recently encountered in my life that I feel oh so Blessed to have:
The nephew Grayson :)
The boyfriend Chase
My little Caitlin
My big Jordan
My buddy Nicole


Finally I have to give thanks and praise to the one who gave it all to me :) and that is God.  Without him and the doors he has opened I would have never met the people I have met or be the person I am today.



i hope everyone has a good TURKEY day but most importantly!!!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

"its Complicated"

Okay So back like a week ago I wrote about my drives to and from Montevallo and how they are the probably the time when I do my best thinking.  Well, I was driving along and thought to myself (I can't tell you how I got to this point, just to be clear I'm random so don't judge) ANYWAYS! I thought to myself, Why does everything have to be complicated?? Especially for women!! This post really only has to deal with how most women think or act, not men.  If you think about it though, for MOST (not all) women, everything is complicated.  A cup might not be just a cup.  Its the cup your grandmother gave to you when you were a baby and you have had it for years, or, a phone call a text from a guy isn't just that "he most def. called because he wants to date me, is mad at me, etc."  Also, a breakup, its not just any breakup, ITS ALWAYS a complicated story.  I am guilty of it myself.  Actually that is what brought me on the thought.  I was thinking about how I would explain why me and some of my ex boyfriends didn't work out, and before I could even finish my thought, I would give up and just think "its too complicated," and then that is how my mind just jumped to WHY does everything have to be complicated?  Men ask/complain/joke all the time about how women are so complicated to understand and it drives them nuts and I had no sympathy for them because as women (even if you dont want to admit it) we are blind to see the mood swings we tend to have.  Driving on Sunday I now see where their frustration comes from because as a women if we can't understand why we do the things we do, then men are just plain screwed on the issue.  But really, why do things always seem complicated?  I kind of came up with the fact that I think most women don't want to be categorized, part of a statistic, or made seem like their situation isn't special.   No women wants to admit what pain or suffering she is or did go through is like any other person's situation out there.  I know its true for me.  Especially in painful situations, for whatever time I need to grieve the last thing I want someone to tell me is that they understand or that they went through the same thing because for that moment there is no possible way in my head that anyone could understand. so I came up with the conclusion that  WOMEN JUST WANT TO BE UNIQUE.  What do you think?? :)  

Advice for ALL MEN!!!! We are ALWAYS right (saves you a lot of time  so just go ahead and swallow your pride now),  Oh and women NEVER want to hear that you understand what they are going through.  As I said before there is no possible way you could,  BECAUSE....

ITS WILL ALWAYS BE TOO COMPLICATED :)

You know that saying, When it rains, It pours?

Well my life was a tornado starting Saturday night.  I have noticed that I have let a lot of negativity come into my life and somewhat control it.  Yes, Im italian, and yes, I have a temper, but I would like to think that most of my friends would call me level headed or drama free before a lot of this stuff starting coming around me.  You know when a big storm comes, the weather changes, and a lot of things go together like wind speed direction, temperatures,  and climate that determine how severe that future storm will be... Try not to get lost I swear its important.  Well that WAS my life.  All the drama, all the cattiness, all the shadiness, and backstabbing well it contributed to my meltdown.  Never EVER in my life have I EVER had problems with friends that did that to one another.  I think that is what bothers me the most, I consider some people here like automatic true friends because we share a bond/ a secret, but  I think I jumped the gun with that assumption.  I gave some trust, and HAVE NEVER CONSIDERED WRITING SOMEONE UP FOR SOMETHING THEY DONE WRONG, why?? Simply because I will always and have always had my friends backs, I don't throw people under the bus.  My meltdown came from constantly get bullshit thrown in my face on a daily basis, its kind of like the saying if you live with a crack addict then you will most likely start do crack too.  DRAMA is the crack in my situation (no no one does crack).  My tornado, Tsunami, Monsoon, hurricane, E. all of the above started last saturday night when I blew up on one of my absolute best friends for no reason.  I felt attacked, which is how I feel on a constant basis living on my hall, and I have had enough so I went off.  Me and this girl have NEVER had a fight as long as we have been friends.  I felt so bad, and I apologized because I can admit fault and take responsibility for my actions.  Then Sunday roles around (we will call this the eye of the storm, where most of the damage is done).  Sunday was a horrible day for me, Honestly I wanted nothing to do with anyone, I did not want to see any of my sorority sisters because I knew something had to be wrong with somebody and that day well I was not emotionally there to deal with that.  November 6th and November 26 are just bad days for me.  I am going to be selfish for a moment and just say that those days is when I need true friends the most.  I texted my roommate Sarah Beth that morning and told her about that, and you know what when I came back to school that afternoon, I had the sweetest card and two things of my favorite candy. She's my friend .Then blah blah blah more stuff happens that isn't important, but basically MORE drama happened.   I had to walk around this hallway and watch people cry over not getting a something they wanted.  I had no sympathy because  that was the one day/night that I needed them more then they needed me.  That put aside Monday roles around, crap is just constantly hitting the ceiling at this point.  Basically to sum up Monday, well I got so upset and fed up I was literally sick, like physically sick.  And let me be the first to tell you, it had nothing to do with obvious problems going on, that is just where I took my ultimate rage out on.  Today roles around, and things are finally starting to slow down, like instead of a  hurricane well Tuesday is more of a tropical storm.  I went through many emotions today, Some were like "ill always stand up for myself", "I will let people know when something is screwed up", but finally after spending time with my boyfriend (which is really the only person around here that is stable, can bring me back down to earth and can be level headed) we hung out, and we had an amazing time!!! Spending time with him made the storm stop, nothing else seem to matter anymore, he mad me feel better and all the drama well it went away and I was myself again.  Now after he left I have come to this conclusion.  I will always stand up for myself and whats right, but in that process I never need to lose myself.  I have lost myself, and starting now I am no longer subjecting myself to negativity, and I will always have my friends backs, but don't mistake me as weak because I no longer have a tolerance for bullshit.  Wednesday?? well some people might consider it hump day, but this week for me  Wednesday is the sun that comes out after the storm.  :)

Brayden Anthony Campbell 11/26/06~11/06/07

Some people never had the chance to meet him, and some people will never know who he is.  Some people might not care, and some people may not remember! BUT!!! I know who he is, I remember how he smelled, his noises, his drooling, and his abilities! I will tell people his story! There isnt a day that goes by that I dont think about him.  This little man is probably the only man in this world that can bring a tear to my eye.  Whenever I doubt, he reassures my faith in God.  You may not know this but if Science made any decisions I would have never had the chance to get to know him.  There has to be a God because that is the only person who could have blessed me and all my family the time we had with him while he was here.  Miracles do happen, and there is such a thing as the power of prayers.  My nephew was truly the best thing.  I'm not mad at God anymore because he took him away so soon.  God took him because Brayden is doing amazing things, he's a guardian  angel for sure!!!  How do I know this? Because even as small as he was he gave so much to my family, and taught my family things that no school, church, or any wise old man could ever teach us.  Something so small, young, and couldnt even talk.  Yes God had to take him away so he could use him to teach other people those amazing things too. Why do I still cry though??? because I miss him, it still hurts, I still dont really understand why, but mostly I just really miss him.

People really don't know what to say or do when I talk about him.  Really I dont expect them to.  I have accepted his death, and now all I want to do it share what he lived, and what I learned from him.  I like talking about him, but people tend to avoid the subject because of the awkward "i dont know what to say." I don't blame them, on the day of his birth and today I dont really know what to say either.   The people who lost the most was my sister and her husband.  Whether she knows it or not, My sister is my hero, I look up to her and I always have.  I can remember growing up and wanting to be just like her.  Get married right out of college, have kids, have her friends.  She is really is the strongest person I know.  They both are.  I can honestly say I dont know what I would do if what she has gone through happened to me, but I know if it ever does that if my sister can wake up and put a smile on her face everyday then I will be able to too. She really is one of my heros, and what she says, thinks, and does really is important to me.  I know I can always call her for anything, and tell her anything.  She will always be there.  I remember one time i wanted to go to visionland but i didnt have enough money.  She took out money from her own bank account and gave it to me.  She was a broke college kid at the time, so although I might have never said thank you, I still remember.  Thats the kind of person I want to be when I grow up!! 

Whats today about???? No Today isn't the only day I think of Brayden, or miss. but you know that saying, "you never know how much you have until its gone." well I guess today just brings back the day he left us, and it just makes me miss him more.  I dont really know if that makes sense.  Today, yes, Its sad, but more importantly its a day I can miss him, and remember ALL the things he blessed me with while he was here.  

Looking back...

I would have to say I am proud of myself.  When I look at my life now and how it was exactly a year ago... I'm happy.  You know you have made the right choices or are traveling on the right path when you can look back say that about yourself.  A year ago I wasn't doing things right, but I can totally change that statement now.  I'm almost 30 pounds lighter, got my act together in school, shed the low-life lying boyfriend, and got involved.  Small improvements, but isnt it the "small things in life that matter the most"

On the Road again...

I go to school at the University of Montevallo.  That is probably about a 45 minute drive from my home town.  Although I live on campus during the year, I go home very often. WHY??, because I love my family and friends at home.  They honestly keep me sane every week.  Its like a two day vacation year around.  What I love most about going home is the drive.  I know I65 is a hot mess right now, but I absolutely LOVE driving back from Montevallo to Trussville and vice versus. This is 'my time'.  I can let my mind wonder, think about life, jam out in my car as loud as possible ( yes i am that person that you make fun of thats jammin out by themselves).  It just doesnt matter, no one matters at that point.  All stress, all problems, and all bullshit just goes away for that 45 minute drive.  I have come to realize this is the best time I do all my thinking.  I might seem collected but I'm still a woman, my brain constantly works 24/7.  While Im doing one project, Im starting on another, and then planning another one.  I feel like i'm an energizer bunny.  I hate missing things, never want to disappoint, dont know how to say no, always want to fit everything in, and give everything 100%.  Basically, I want my cookie cake and ice cream and I want to eat it too.  But this personality goes hand and hand with being exhausted.  You know what makes it even more exhausting, is that fact that I dont write anything down.  I just dont have the organizational skills for that stuff.  Im what you would call an "organized mess".  And I hate it when people try to organize me.  I have a system, whether you understand it or not its not my problem.  Its like when your mother tells you to clean your room and you do it, then when you go to look for something you cant find it, because its not under your bed anymore.  Anyways, Back to 'my time' .... After my long week/ weekend 45 minutes to myself just to let myself be me is like pure paradise.  To be honest, I havent really felt like myself lately.  Not that I dont want to be myself, but that I cant be myself.  Its like Montevallo disguises me.  I feel alone. (*slitting wrists right?) haha NOO im not emo, I'm happy.  I just dont have 'that friendship' here with anyone, not my friends, sisters, no one.  And being a girl having a Best friend where you spend most of your time is kind of a necessity!!!! I dont have that, I often make trips by myself to places because people dont have time or dont want to. I'm not crying over it, it just makes me home sick! I miss my friends constantly during the week.  Im not dissing the whole "sister" thing, I love my sisters but some arent true friends, some arent friends at all, and some just arent best friends.  This is where the whole being myself thing comes in.  I havent made that connection with anyone because I feel like I cant be who I am.  I was for one night and I swear i annoyed everyone, they accused me of being on crack!! It was sad.  People probably think I am pessimist but really in high school if you knew me I was really happy, hyper, and fun.  I miss those things.  Stability is really what I'm looking for i guess.  Like in high school my best friend brittany we always went to the park and swung on the swing, no matter the season, time of day, plans we had, that was our thing.  Kelsey also one of my best friends we have dancing!! I dont see her often but if we are in trouble she will make plans to make it up, and one of those things is dancing, thats our thing.  And finally I have breanna! Random ass friendship formed senior year but I was blessed to have her in my life.  She is my adventure girl.  Sunday drives, investigating, walmart trips, jam sessions, crazy nights!! thats my ride til i die girl!!! It makes me sad that I look back and now I see myself and I dont have that here, I wish i did but I dont.  Oh well....

My 45 minute drives really keep me together!!! and then they are moments that beat them all and thats when I see stuff like this.....

These pictures are what makes my drive priceless is every way shape form or fashion.

Sorry for the long post, and you know that saying "write it down to get it out" well haha I dont think that true for me. 

These are a few of my favorite things...

Hmm... where should I start????  Well I'm 20 years old, I'm a speech pathology major.  I have two loving parents that have been together for over 30 years.  I have one sister, one brother, brother-in-law, and two nephews.  My best friends in the entire world are Bre, Amber and Kelsey.  Without my family and friends I dont know where I would be.  I have currently lost 25 pounds... Its not big compared to my real goal!! I want to lose 70lbs.  I'm a Delta Gamma, and I LOVE IT!!!!! other than that I'm about to post pictures of some of my favorite things...

That was on Bid day Last year... Sarah Beth is my roommate

Delta Gammas Pledge Class this year.

My Little(on the right) Caitlin, we are kind of meant to be and My Big(on the left) Jordan, well we were kind of meant to be too :)

 I LOVE palm trees, I want one in my yard whenever I get a house.

I have a bucket List, the 1st thing is I want to milk a cow, the second is I want to go skydiving

Favorite Flowers

Favorite Drink

Favorite Candy!!!  Absolutely the way to my heart

 I have seen this so many times that I could probably quote every word.

 If Im having a bad day... Mexican chips, salsa, and cheese dip can always fix it.

I LOVE music, and I listen to it all. Love to jam out in my car.

One of my adorable nephews :)... hes my little man

My FUTURE dog... I will have one they are so stinking cute

One of my best friends, we love to go dancing

Bre my other best friend, pretty much amazing!! we love adventures

Oh and sunday drives :)!!!!!